MegaTokyo vs The Matrix: So Totally Fscked
by Belamancer
Summary: Xover with the webcomic MegaTokyo. What happens when Largo's reality collides with that of Ed and Dom? Why are Ed and Dom so indestructable? And why, oh why, has Piro locked himself in a cupboard? Rating for later chapters, maybe.


It's fanfic, it's MegaTokyo X the Matrix, and it's wrong but I DONT CARE! I'm not certain if it's meant to be funny or what, but hell, I think it might be a doozy.

A/N: I know no Japanese other than what I have picked up from reading MegaTokyo, and the same goes for l33t sp34k. But I probably know more of the latter. m3h.  
(if you have seen the matrix but not read MegaTokyo, check it out here. If you have read MegaTokyo but not seen The Matrix you're beyond help. If you have seen both and think that this fic is a hideous crime against nature, I'd love to hear from you. If you're name is Fred, Andy or Larry, I'm just gonna run away now...)

Chapter 1 Getting Piro To Come Out of The Closet. Sorry, I mean cupboard.

Piro? Piro, are you there? Ping's voice sounded hesitant, and was met with a muffled  
"Go away." from the cupboard. She was certain that talking to a cupboard should make you feel foolish, but she was also worried about Piro.  
Piro-san are you okay?

Inside the cupboard, Piro groaned and banged his head on the door. Just five minutes of peace was all he wanted, five minutes without Ping's incessant chirpyness, five minutes without Erika's sarcasm, five minutes -

"j0."

- without Largo.

"I said Go Away. I'm okay, I just want to be alone for five minutes!"

He felt guilty as Ping burst into tears, but htere was at least silence when she left. FOr all of about three seconds.

"You in there gettin' w33py over some girl again? I gotta say, this is gettin pretty l4m3."

Damn Largo.

"Damnit Largo, just leave me alone!"

The silence lasted a bit longer. THen;

"Dom and Ed are here. I thought you should be pr3p4r3)." he left Piro to ponder the co-existance of Dom and Ed.

Largo had once told Piro that when Dom and Ed were in the same room together it could only mean one of three things;  
1) They were about to kick the proverbial crap out of each other,  
2) THey'd just finished kicking the crap out of each other and had either paused to reload or to gloat,  
3) Largo would never actually explain what the third option was but Piro had a feeling it had something to do with the photo that Largo occaisionally used to extort money from them. WHatever option 3 was, Piro was willing to bet that it was more destructive that either of options one or two.

If the two of them were here, that probably meant something bad. Probably something involving lots of firepower, and almost certainly something involving carnage and bloodshed.

Piro sighed, and stepped out of the cupboard. The best thing would probably be to head for a nice open space somewhere, and hope that the whole thing would just blow over without blowing up.

-----

Dom was polishing a rocket launcher nochalantly when Piro stepped into the staff break room, looking for Erika. Ed was deliberatly checking the pump mechanism on a device that looked a lot like a cross between a shotgun and a water-cannon. There was a heart stopping moment when Piro stepped in and the two weapons swung to face him, then the pair settled down again.  
"Hey, Piro." Dom grinned, and Ed nodded at him without looking up.  
"Hey. Um, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but what-"  
"Top secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you."  
"Ah. Oh." He looked like he meant it, too.  
"Then your friends, family, and anyone who might have met you." Ed added helpfully, mopping up some sort of fluid that was leaking from the mechanism.  
"Oh. Um, is it Sega business?" The pair looked at each other and laughed. It wasn't a very funny laugh. Or a very funny look.  
"Largo said you were hiding in the closet." Dom continued, buffing the barrel of the launcher to a nice silvery sheen then spraying it with WD40. "I'm glad to see you finally decided to come out."  
"It was a cupboard." Piro snapped, angrilly. Trust Largo to make things worse.  
"Oh? My mistake. You get that piece of crap to work yet?" he added to Ed.  
Ed swung the barrel to face Dom, and pulled the trigger. There was a _ker-schunk_ as the mechanism shot back, a _click_, and a humming noise.  
"Damn pump's short-circuited again." Ed grunted and pulled the top off the casing for a closer look.  
"The radiation sheild's still holding, right?"

Piro backed out of the room, slowly.

Largo was finishing off his breakfast of cold pizza and scrambled egg when Piro backed into the shop, pale and shaky. Obviously, he knew what Dom and Ed were up to.  
"Largo?"  
"Mmph?"  
"What the hell are Dom and Ed doing here?"  
Then again... He finished his mouthful before replying.  
"Did you see that m0))3) flame thrower of Ed's?" Piro went even paler.  
"Flamethrower?"  
"Not very efficient, but the wide blast-radius makes it perfect for confronting hordes of t3h u\)34)."  
"Undead. Did they tell you they were here to fight the undead? Or did you just assume that's why they're here?"  
Largo shrugged. "Pretty safe assumption. Flamethrower undead horde defence. Of course, " he added thoughtfully "it could be vampires. They're pretty flammable."

Fortunately, someone knocked onthe door before Piro was forced to respond. He opened it, Largo at his elbow muttering about z0m813s.  
"uhm, Hello? "  
The figures at the door - there were three of them, looking decidedly crowded in such a confined space - seemed unimpressed. They were - creepy. Piro deliberatly pushed Largo aside, for fear of another zombie/undead comment. Their new visitors didn't look like they'd apppreciate it.

"Mr Gallagher, we understand that the individuals known as Dom and Ed are resident at this address."  
It wasn't a question. Piro stared nervously into expresionless sunglasses, and gulped.  
"Uhm. My name's Piro." he offered.  
"Mr Gallagher, harbouring terrorists is a serious crime, even in Tokyo. DO you understand?"  
"Yes, but... Terrorists?"  
The trio pushed past him without a further word, although the smaller of the three paused to glare at Largo.  
"This one is also listed." Largo swallowed the last of his breakfast hurriedly.  
"He is of lower priority." One of the other figures assured his companion. Piro didn't liek the sound of that, and apparantly neither did Largo.  
"\/-0 T3h -3LL 4R3 J00 P30PL3?" Piro grmaced. Largo's l33t sp34k often got worse in times of stress, like a speech impediment. The middle sized one - Piro found it easier to think of them in terms of height, as they all looked the same - answered.  
"I 4\/ 4G3\7 5\/17-, 7-47 15 4G3\7 J0\35 4\) 4G3\7 8R0\/\."  
"Wait!" Piro found himself yelping suddenly. THey turned to look at him. "There's no Dom or Ed here. You- you've got the wrong house."  
The three turned away again, ignoring him, and Piro made to go after them but a hand dragging at his arm stopped him.  
"This is what Dom and Ed were preparing for." Largo hissed in his ear. "Let them go. They are 3v1L."  
"This isn't a games, Largo!" Piro hissed back angrilly. The 4G3\75 opened the door that led into the staff break room.

_Ker-chunk. Click. _**Fwooosh.**

The next three minutes were very busy, and entirely confusng. Piro watched ina detached sort of horror as the 4G3\75 staggered back, the first one aflame, and the secod two singed, angry and reaching for weapons. There was the roaor of a newly launched rocket, and the oddly distant sound of it exploding. There was the clatter of gunfire. The door behind Piro's head was chewed to pieces by a machine gun, and he was pulled to the relative safety of behind-the-counter by a suddenyl serious Largo. Two of the mysterious 4G3\75 were unharmed, but by the sound of the swearing coming from within the breakroom, the same couldn't be said for Dom and Ed. One of the 4G3\75 let off a series of shots with a handgun,the last one punctuated with an explosion of swearing from within the tiny room.  
A sudden movement, a lack of security caught Piro's attention. Largo had jumped the counter and picked up a replica sword. The metal would probalby break on impact with anything, Piro noted in shocked detachment.

Largo was about to get into trouble.

He ducked as another rocket shot over his head and crached through a soft-toy display. Maybe it was time to move?  
There was a yell from the break room, and suddenly Dom was out in the main of the shop. Piro hadn't seen him move, he just arrived. Pitifully low on weapons, he had with him only a handgun and something Piro couldn't quite identify slung oover his back. Of Ed, there was no sign.

Largo slunk towards the 4G3\7 carefully. Thank god Junpei had taken the time to teach him some of his \1\J4 sk1llz. IT was a shame that he hadn't paid more attention...

Piro gawped as the 4G3\7 grabbed Largo around he throat, then jumped the counter himself. It might be suicide, it might be stupid but there was no way he'd just stand and watch whilst his friends were atacked. He couldn't just do nothing...

The scene seemed to slow right down to a standstill. There was Largo, choking for breath and struggling vainly. There was Dom and the other 4G3\7 exchanging shots and dodging them fluidly. There was Piro, doubled over from where he'd just twisted his ankle - the counter was higher than it looked. And then the door opened, and suddenly there was Ping.

Ping who was oh so protective of her 'owners'.

Piro gawped as the EDS launched an all out attack on the 4G3\7 busy throttleing Largo. He'd heard her described as a psychotic killer robot (by Largo) but he'd never really seen her in acton.

She kicked the 4G3\7 in the shoulder, ducked as he dropped Largo and made to hit her, then slapped him round the face. There was a grisly snap, a flash of electrical light, and a body slumped to the ground. Ping strode forwards t the remaining 4G3\7, intent on his 'dance' with Dom, and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned, almost gracefuly, and Dom took the oppourtunity to shoot him in the head.

There was silence.

For about five minutes.

"Dud3," Largo croaked finally, "There's no honour in fragging someone who's distracted. 7-47 15 \07 L33T."

Piro blinked. Even in the bleakest of situations, Largo seemed to think life was just a game.

"They killed Ed." Dom said dully, tucking the handgun back into it's holster.

"What?!" Piro didn't understand. Dom and Ed fought all the time, and were alwys injured, usually badly. They never usually died, though. "How?"

Dom gave him a look, and stepped back into the break room. Piro followed him, and just about managed not to be sick. Ed's home-made flamethrower had exploded, and so had Ed.

Largo peered over his shoulder.

Oh." he said, quietly. Dom began to carefully pick up the pieces of Ed's weapon, carefully separating them from peices of Ed.

"Uhm. Is there anything we can do?" Piro felt unbeleivably stupid asking. Dom just shook his head silently.

"We must find the nearest respawn point! Hurry!" Largo yelled suddenly, grabbing Piro's arm and dragging him from the room.

"Respawn point? What the hell have you been drinking?!" Piro yelled back as Largo dragged him to the front door. "This isn't a goddamn game, Largo!"

"Isn't it?" said a groggy voice from behind the counter.

"Ed?!" Piro squeaked. Largo merely nodded a greeting.

"Did Dom make it? I didn't see." Ed complained as he clambered out from behind a collapsed pile of toys.

"He's in the break room." Largo shrugged. "Gettin w33py, I guess."

"..." managed Piro.

"I probably should've told him about the upgrades." Ed sighed, and edged cautiously towards the break room door.

"...what?" Piro said, eventually.

"Oh, yeah. Forgot." Ed stopped, turned, pulled out another oddly modded weapon. Largo gawped.

"What. Is. That?" he breathed. Ed's smile grew wider.

"Air blast canon - it's a riot gun. Causes unconciousness and minor bruising at ten feet." he stepped back three paces, raised the gun and...

Piro woke up. His feet had gone numb from being jammed inside the cupboard, but at least the stupid dream had gone. He fell out of the cupboard gracelessly. There was no-one around apart from Largo, who looked to have passed out on the floor, and was surrounded by empty and half empty beer cans.  
He stumbled over one, and found himself staring at his feet as the world swayed sickeningly around him.  
Then he fell over.

A cloder examination of his foot revealed that his ankle was sprained. And there were little suspicious stains on his sneakers that he didn't want to look at too closely.

"Dud3." Largo grated as he pushed himself upright, "We are so totally fscked."

trust me, it's delicious.  
translation - "Who the hell are you people?"  
translation - "I am Agent Smith, that is Agent Jones and Agent Brown."

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

A/N OH no no noooo I really wish I hadn't written that. L33t agents? Piro locked in a cupboard? Dom and Ed - what the hell is wrong with my brain?! If it happens again I'll either call a doctor or write another chapter. Or maybe an icon...

PS Only Largo, DOm and Ed know what option 3) is. And that should be the way it stays.

PPS This was originally posted on my livejournal, the link for which is on my profile. (My username is antimorph but ffnet seem to have taken exception to the url.  



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